Australia

didn't see any big spiders. Or kangaroos

Jul 17, 2024

Important Terms:

Mama - mom’s brother / Mami - mom’s SIL

Chacha - dad’s brother / Chachi - dad’s SIL

I have six cousins living in Australia (and one living in England, but this article is about the Australian cousins so sorry for the erasure): Sumya & Aruba, who are my mom’s brother’s daughters, Uzma & Uzair, my dad’s middle brother’s children, and Orko & Sum, my dad’s eldest brother’s kids. The last time I saw Sumya & Aruba was in Bangladesh when I was 10. The last time I saw Orko & Sum was in 2015 when they visited Los Angeles. I saw Uzma last when I was 6 and Uzair was still in the womb. This also means that my mom hadn’t seen her brother in 12 years, and that my dad and his two brothers hadn’t been under the same roof since 1999.

I didn’t have many expectations for Melbourne, because I had no idea what my cousins would be like. This is an awful thought, but I felt that they had no real obligation to like me or enjoy spending time with me since we hadn’t seen each other in so long. I’m also the oldest cousin, so my parents told me I had to act like the older sister. As you all know, I don’t have any siblings, so I didn’t know what she meant. I still don’t, really. The dynamics of existing in a large family system were completely lost on me.

The Rashids

When we landed (the flight was 16 hours long. The Pacific is so much BIGGER than the Atlantic), my Mama and Sumya picked us up and took us to their house. Australian houses have terrible insulation, y’all. It was 50 degrees outside and 50 degrees inside (winter + Arctic winds). Was thanking God everyday I was there for the invention of the bed heater.

Seeing my Mama, Mami, Sumya, and Aruba for the first time in over a decade was shocking and a little heartbreaking. My memory held their faces in geodesic form—I remembered the outlines of their faces, but now everyone was older. It made me sad to think I didn’t get to be a part of that. And seeing my Mama older made me realize how similar he looks to my Nanu. My mom’s side of the family is chaotic and loud and almost dysfunctional, but they are loving and sensitive and some of my favorite people in the world.

My Mama + Sumya and Aruba picking lemons from their tree.

Things I Learned About Myself From The Rashids:

If you’ve spent enough time with me, you know that I love the floor. I love to sit on the floor and do my work, watch TV, hang out, etc. TURNS OUT IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY. My mom and my Mama are the same way.
I’ve always been quiet. Apparently Sumya would try to talk to me in BDesh and I would stare at my shoes because I was too shy to respond.
I wrote my first poems in BDesh. I wrote a poem about my Nanu’s apartment, and I wrote another acrostic poem with Sumya and Aruba about our grandmother, her two sisters, and our great-grandmother, who was alive at the time. I remember all of them crying after we read it to them.
I would have been a good sister.

The Haroons

When we left my Mama’s house, everyone was crying. I was crying. Sumya was crying. Aruba was crying. My Mama and Mami were sobbing. We were crying like we were being shipped off to war. In reality, we were driving 90 minutes east. The Haroons are not like this.

When my dad saw his two brothers, they all hugged and sat down. They settled in silence. They barely said a word. But we could all see how happy they were to finally be together and in the same room.

My dad’s side of the family is more complicated. Despite rarely showing it, everyone feels a little bit more. My cousins and I have all had the same or similar mental health experiences, and we are all very musical and creative. Orko plays guitar and the drums. Sum plays the piano. Uzma funnels her artistic prowess into her architecture degree, and Uzair loves to read and sometimes write poetry. I wasn’t expecting to attribute my creative side with my dad’s side of the family, but it makes sense. My dad and his sister are great singers (but my dad is even more shy than I am; you will never hear him sing), and one of my aunts has a popular cooking show in BDesh.

Things I Learned About Myself From The Haroons:

I should be thankful I grew up with a mother who acknowledges the existence of curly hair. Uzair and Uma’s mom don’t believe in curly hair (despite having curly hair herself). She believes that they somehow made their hair curly via product. Same with Orko and Sum’s mom. It’s ok, we all laughed about it.
SO MUCH FAMILY TEA.
I am very protective over my cousins. Uzair is only 15, and I found myself defending him and giving him advice whenever I could. It could be that I see myself in him. We are the only two cousins created in our father’s images: quiet, introverted, deeply feeling, etc. Orko, Sum, and Uzma somehow turned out very garrulous. I worry about Uzair more than I expected to.
Why I am so bad at saying goodbyes. I don’t think either of my uncles hugged me goodbye. I get it, though. Goodbyes are difficult to confront.

G’day Mate 😔

Every time I visited Bangladesh with my parents, they left crying, and I was too young to understand why. I didn’t grow up with a strong family system. My parents worked all the time, and we had no family near us.

Seeing all of my cousins in one place and seeing them all the time during this trip made me wonder what it would have been like to grow up with them. Would I be just as introverted? Would I have the same interests? Would I have ended up at Hopkins? Probably not. I don’t know how that makes me feel.

This was the first time I cried at the airport, and the driving emotion behind my tears was fear. I am scared we will let another decade pass before we see each other again. I am scared we will forget about each other. By the end of our trip, I had garnered so much love and appreciation for them (and such vituperation for the Pacific for being so damn big) that I didn’t want to readjust to a life in which I don’t see my family often. But it’s okay I’ll just keep going to Australia and eating all the cheese I want because Australian cheese is like European cheese and doesn’t hurt my stomach! Also, nearly everything there is halal!!!! Ending this article with some pictures of yummy food I ate because this got really deep but at least I ate a lot of beef.